Kindness

 

A friend said to me, "D, you are kind to a stranger, but only those close to you know who you really are". Ouch that hits home. Not that I was not being kind at all hm. Don't get me wrong, please!

Please do not misinterpret this hahaha. For instance, let's just say that if we are not that close, I would be replying your text with a full perfect sentence, the perfect grammar and comprehension as well as emoji/gif or when I talk to you, I'm so gonna use all the good words that I can think of, and not leaving you hanging. But with people close to me, I just reply with yes or no, sometimes no ending or starting in our conversation and so on. I even left them on reads, sometimes hahaha (only for unimportant stuffs). A trait that is definitely contradictory to my friend. She can be quite cold and unfriendly with strangers 😂.

Bottomline is that I can summarize these into two factors of my action. First is, I am an INFP. I am an empath, a mediator (well, the MBTI said so). Okay jokes aside. The first factor would be my ability to read the room very very well. If you are someone close to me, then I definitely know when you are not feeling okay, despite of you putting a smile on your face. I just knew. So, I would react based on your mood, I can be a listener when you need me to. I can also, just be me, without feeling scared that I might say the wrong thing. Without having the natural instinct to conform to any situation. It's a win-win. But with someone not entirely close to me, I do not know what are their feelings at the moment, so I might just be friendly with all of them. People are so good at masking their problems because I can do that very well too. Thus, by being friendly to people that I met or came across, I hope that they continue to believe there is still goodness in this world, even when their hearts are being shattered inside. 

For myself, when someone smiles at me or just say hi when I am having a bad day, it's a big gesture and brings me comfort. I hope people always do that to me too. I guess me being friendly to people help to heal a part of myself. 

On a side note, read the room well too cuz you don't wanna smile to some kidnappers, thugs or something lol.

P/s: I wrote this on June and kept in in draft ever since. I still couldn't find my second factor hahah what was I thinking here? Hm