Archived memo

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This is such a random post but here, check these out. I wrote and saved them on my notes in my phone. Something to look back for my future self... 

30/11/2019

Sometimes I wonder if one day i can do whatever I want to without thinking of the consequences of those action. Bcs I’ve realised that it is the only thing that stopping me from breaking free. Hell, forgiving myself is the hardest thing to do and continuously feeling guilty at people that I’ve hurt is what I am master at. I may not show it all, but if and only if you can see what lies inside of me, you will keep yourself away or else you find yourself drowning in a pool of misery, uncertainties and at loose ends. Just like me. And believe me, it’s not state that you wanna be in.

06/08/2020

Its just something i wanna share...

I watched NextToNeelofa episode 1 and I had a mental breakdown when Hans started to share how the passing of his late dad had affected him.  I couldn't help but relate with how he feels and how it somehow had taught me on how to keep staying strong. Despite everything that people says to me on how strong and independent i am, some series of situations that happened in my life made me who i am today in which it taught me to not be dependent on anyone else, including my family even. Situations where i learnt that nobody gonna stand up for myself, that i have to help myself, that choices are made upon myself and i have to be responsible for them. Situations that made me to not rely on anyone else, bcs when ppl doesnt fulfill your expectation, you sat down broken. Situations that I need to think about the consequences of my actions towards ppl that I love n care about. Situations that I have to act strong to protect my beloved ones. And situations that I had to make sacrifices for the sake of another person. I'm honestly just so tired. Tired of everything. I'm okay i just need some break from everything.

05/01/2021

There are some friends that I haven't met in years but still can talk comfortably with, some friends that I knew only for several days, but able to clique well. Always, its nobody’s fault that relationship grew apart, but rather life itself brought upon a little separation between the souls. Learn to let go bcs sometimes the toxicity comes from you and you gotta stop it from consuming your soul. Be positive and kind to your mind.

and TODAY, 04/10/2021

YOU DID GREAT AND YOU STILL HAVE A LOOONGG WAY TO GOO, STRIVE HARD LOVE!