24

24, out and about. 

The photo was taken during one of the events that we organized during undergraduate study. It was fun, exciting and unforgettable experience. To be honest, I had plans before pandemic happened, it was either I wanted to do solo travelling to UK while doing some survey to further my master in the universities that I aimed for OR solo travelling to South Africa to do volunteering work and indulge in the community for my self-growth before continuing my study. (Additional notes: Balkan on my list too). But then pandemic happened, I was lost, my saving was running out, and the cost will double or triple due to this situation that of course required you to be ready if ever you get infected with Covid19. Also, if I were to do master, would it be more to industrial work like fermentation as I did during my final year project or biomedical sciences like I have always wanted to. Honestly, I got swayed around a lot. I asked people a lot, I googled and as an overthinker, I think a lot too lol. Thank you for those helping me out :P

I am not the kind of person who likes to share about my personal struggles and thoughts, but this time I just wanted to remind myself all over again that these are the thoughts that I once had on my mind. There was one time, after SPM I had a thought, well I wanted to pursue medic of course, but this thought just came flashing by, what if I am not qualified to be a doctor (I am a bit clumsy), what if I studied the basic of the science itself, the gene itself, of course at the time, I don’t think of the word gene, but I was referring to it without realization. Fast forward, here I am pursuing master in genetics. I think Allah’s plan is really the best, He actually gives you in a way you can never imagine, but also me, myself, I am no longer the same person as before, there are many detours that make me question myself, is this it? Can I do this? I’m not longer the same person that I used to be. I find a harsh truth in what everybody is saying. Sometimes, we can have a goal in life, but the journey towards that goal is something else, it can either break you or make you stronger. That’s my biggest insecurity right now. Can I make it? Would this bring out the best of me? Would this benefit others? Would I bring myself closer to Him? And would I be able to find myself again?

- 20th June 2021